


Snow secret

by Wookieil



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:16:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29812467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wookieil/pseuds/Wookieil
Summary: The Boltons keep a secret under Winterfell and Theon happens to be the unfortunate soul who finds about it.
Relationships: Ramsay Bolton/Theon Greyjoy, Theon Greyjoy/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back with yet another story!
> 
> This one was meant to be a one-shot but it got too long to be one so I decided to turn it into a short fic. I don't know how many chapters there will be, but I guess maybe 6. I haven't finish the story yet, so really it's a guess.
> 
> As per usual english isn't my first language so if the reading is a bit off, that's why.
> 
> Also! I have a Tumblr account, it's Wookieil. If any of you want to follow me there you are invited to do so :)
> 
> At last, I hope you will enjoy this fic! And I promise, it gets better.
> 
> Laters!

Behind the silver lining of heavy clouds high above in the winter sky the dull sun glistened, irradiating a weak warmness across Winterfell. It was an imperceptible warmness, so faint and fragile, it wasn't enough to appease the icy temperature of the harsh cold weather. It was a freezing morning that day, Theon noticed, particularly chilling; he could say the cold permeated into his bones violently, gelid and ruthless, freezing the blood in his veins and turning his heart into ice inside his chest. It made his shabby body shake roughly while the quiet snow fell over him, covering Theon with a shiny white frosty lace as he worked outside the castle.

Theon teeth have been chattering ever since he set a foot outside, loudly and annoyingly, as he fed the animals, as he chopped wood, as he loaded wagons with whatever was handed to him, as he shoveled the dirty snow accumulated across the castle's yards then. His jaw couldn't stop moving, his body couldn't stop shaking either. He was out in that freezing winter morning with only his worn out rags, nothing but a thin and light layer of fabric which obviously could not keep him warm, which could not protect him on such unforgivable weather. Theon didn't feel his face by then, his remaining fingers were numb, his weak anatomy shook more harshly each minute and when Theon heard a hollow sound as he breathed in he knew he was going to fall ill that night, and the sudden thought of dying in a high fever dream was the sweetest idea he ever had.

_Too bad his master could never let him die that easily._

The feeling of someone taking the shovel off his hands caught Theon by surprised then, and he fell into the harsh, cold ground beneath his feet.

-Hey pet rat. Lord Ramsay says you have to clean one of the dungeon cells. Down the stairs, by the end of the hall, the second one on the right.- it was one of his master's men, a tall one wich creeped Theon out whenever he smiled.

And he was smiling down on Theon then, a wide and unsettling grin streaching across his big, loathsome face. He knew Theon hated it, knew it made him uncomfortable, and he enjoyed the way Theon had to force himself to still look at him or he could take his eyes out as the man had told him once.

-Now.- the man said in a low and empty voice, as his small dark eyes felt like daggers in Theon's quivering body.

In a hearbeat Theon was up, his survival instinct working by nature, walking with numb legs across the yard, breathing ragged and quick as he tried to move fast and away, as fast and far away as he could. The heavy snow made him stumble here and there along the path but Theon walked still, almost running to the castle, weak body shivering not only because of the freezing cold but because of the feeling of those small and evil eyes set on him from afar as well, stalking him all the while, like a hunter eyeing his prey. Theon was waiting for something to happen, for something to hit him at the back of his head, for an arrow to strike him in the middle of his chest, to be hunted down and killed like he was always anticipating. His anxious heart was beating hard against his chest and Theon heard the pulsing in his ears, louder and louder as he got closer to nearest entrance of the castle.

Theon's heart was hammering madly when he pulled the wooden door opened and the beating in his ears was like the rowdy thumping of drums when the door closed behind him and the silence of the stone hallway consummed him. His aggitated breathing echoed in the desolated aisle as Theon leaned against the cold wall, feeling a shiver running down his spine. Trying to calm himself down Theon closed his tired eyes, breathing through his nose, exhaling the cold hair through his chapped lips. Once, twice, till he felt his fearful heart slow down and all he heard then was the rustling of the winter wind sliding throughout the door. Theon took a moment to just stand there, listening the sound of the wind, listening the noise of people working outside, listening the deafening silence of the empty hallway.

“It's okay, nothing happened. You are okay, just get to work” Theon told himself, trying to be reassuring.

With a low, soft sigh Theon moved away from the stone wall, walking down the hallway towards the dungeons. It was pretty early in the morning but Theon didn't hear much movement in the castle, even the way leading to the kitchen area was more silent than usual. Theon didn't stop to think about it, he simply made his way across the empty aisles, down the stairs, finally reaching the dungeons. There were two guards, whom only stared at him with emotionless eyes as they just let him in without asking any question. After all, they knew who he was and what he was there for. The heavy doors closed behind him and Theon saw the grim and lugubrious space, trembling as he remembered everything he lived down there... everything he _lost_ down there.

Those stone walls had muted his screams far too many times for Theon to forget what usually happened in between them.

Breathing a shaky sigh out Theon took one, two steps into the dungeon, but by the time he reached the end of the way, in which the path divided to left and right in two new hallways leading to different cells Theon stopped. He didn't remember which cell he was suppossed to clean up, he just couldn't remember which way he had to go.

“Did he said the third cell on the left? Or was it the right?” Theon thought nervously, he was so frightened when the man appeared he just didn't pay attention to what he said.

His mind was empty, he just could not remember and Theon felt anxiety quickly rising in him. He couldn't go outside and ask the man, he definetly could not ask master so... he had to find the cell on his own, he had to find it fast. But how? The dungeon was silent, uncomfortably so, Theon found himself all alone in the big space. It seemed there was no one else, Theon could not hear anyone else inside the dungeon. There were no scream muffled by the thick walls, no rush steps running through the halls, no heavy chains shaking against the floor.

Theon was standing there, in that dimly illuminated place, surrounded by old stone and the unsettling eerie air of the dungeon. _All alone._

A shiver slided across his shoulders then and Theon swallowed tightly, before he took one doubtful step towards his left. He had to start where he thought the man said, perhaves he could be right. Theon walked down that path, across the dim hallway, hearing nothing but his quiet steps. The silence of the dungeon was nerve-racking, Theon hated to be down there, hated the feeling of being trapped, hated the feeling of what had happened to him there. He wasn't bound to the cross, wasn't chained, wasn't _in_ one of the cells yet the memories were so strong, so vivid, Theon felt the dread all over again. Felt the cuts and the punches, felt the whip and the blade, felt the pressure in his head and the panic in his heart... they were all ghosts, he knew, but Theon still heard his heavy breathing echoing in the hallway and felt his body trembling at the sight of the cells in front of him.

Theon breathe out slowly then, wishing it was one of them so he could do his job and go back to his regular chores. He wasn't fond of the idea of seeing the mix of blood and grime again but he wasn't fond of the idea of being punished either. There were three cells, and Theon entered one first, finding it completely clean. Just like the second and third one. Every single one of them was empty and he didn't see signs of torture or anything of the likes. Theon checked all three of them twice, looking in every corner, and yet he was sure none of them had been used in a while. There was one final door by the end of the hall as well, but when Theon stood in front of it he saw a wood lock across of it. For some reason, it seemed to be restricted.

“Maybe it's too old to be used” Theon thought as he took one step back and looked at the door one las time, remembering mold often grew in dungeons and it made the foundations weak, they could collapse any time.

He was about to turn around and go back when the faintest spark of light coming from under the door called his attention. The door was tall and it almost reached the floor but throught the tiny gap that it was left in between the wood and the ground the light swiped softly. It was a suble and weak candlelight shining against the floor, barely perceptible but in the dark hallway Theon still could see it, which ment there was someone inside that cell... but who could it be? There were no sound coming fronm the other side of the door. No screams, no words, no torture. Nothing.

It couldn't be his master, could it? No, why was master going be in such place all alone? And locked up, nonetheless. Except he wanted to play a game... but a part of Theon doubt it. His master had been awfully stressed and annoyed ever since his father told him it was time for him to get married, Theon remembered how his body had to take the rage of his master that night in his bed. His master didn't have time for games with such problem at hand. That on top of other matters, such as the news he heard the day before while he poured the wine at lunch, about the corpses of wildings found in Wolfswood and the words of some Bolton men seeing big wolves near the perimeter. Theon knew a possible wife, wildlings and dire wolves could not bored his master.

But if it wasn't his master then, _who_ was in there?

Theon knew he shouldn't but curiosity took the best of him. Perhaps it was a game... yes, he could tell that to master later on. With trembling hands Theon took the lock off, quietly pushing the door opened and quickly walking in the cell, closing the door in the most imperceptible of ways.

But when Theon turned around and deep blue eyes met with his sea-green gaze Theon felt as if life had been drawn out of him.

“Of course it was him, you stupid creature” Theon thought dejected as his knees gave up and he fell into the hard ground, tears rushing to his eyes in a instant.

-I-I'm sorry, master. I'm sorry, I didn't... I-I got lost. I swear.- Theon cried into the floor and he shivered when he heard his master walking towards him.

He was expecting a kick to his side knowcking the air out of his system or having his face smashed harshly into the ground but all Theon felt then was a warm hand on his shoulder as his master crouched before him.

-It's okay, don't cry. I'm not him.- master said then, voice strangely soft and unfamiliar.

Theon felt baffled unpon hearing that, and slowly lift his face... seeing his master kneeling right in front of him. That was his devilish handsome face and those were his unmerciful winter eyes, Theon could never mistake him for anyone else. He was good Reek, loyal Reek, he knew his master.

-I-I'm sorry, master. I-I got lost, I didn't meant to, I'm sorry.- Theon cried again, shaking as thoughts of what his master was going to do to him in that forgotten cell quickly rushed to his mind.

-I'm not him, really. It's okay, I promise. Just please don't cry.- his master's voice was still oddly soft as he spoke, and Theon felt a shiver ran down his back when he heard him pleading.

Master hadn't act in such a long time, Theon couldn't help but cry harder as he remembered what happened to him the last time Ramsay decided to put up an act for him. The stump where his little finger used to be beated along with his frightened heart and Theon didn't dare to think what his master had planned for him that day. He knew he was going to bleed, he knew he was going to hurt, and he knew it was going to be scarred into him for the rest of his days. Theon trembled harshly at the only idea, heart thumping madly against his hot chest, throat closing in despair, heavy head shaking in denial at what was happening, at what _was going to_ happen.

_He didn't want to hurt, he had been good, he just got lost. He was good Reek, loyal Reek. He didn't deserve to hurt._

-Look at me, I'm not him. Just look at me!- master said then, his unfamiliar soft voice sounding unsually high pitch.

And suddenly rare warm hands were on his face, holding him kindly, making Theon look up at the man before him. Gentle thumbs brushed desperate tears off his feverish cheeks, while Theon's blurred gaze focused on those icy blue eyes. Those were his master's eyes, those were the same deep blue orbs which pierced through Theon's soul every day, but they had a weird shine Theon didn't remember ever seeing in them. Theon stared at those weird eyes surprised, and then his incredulous gaze fell to the rest of the man's face, taking a few seconds to notice new details. His turbulent mind didn't remember shaving his master clean that morning, Theon was also sure his master's hair was a little longer too, and Theon knew his master's mole was on his right cheek, not on the left one.

Breathing slowly Theon just stared at the strange man a little longer, hearing his heart beating in his ears, while his unseasy eyes roamed dubious across the not so familiar face. The man looked exactly like his master, like an almost perfect copy of him, but Theon could notice he wasn't _him_.

-See? I'm not Ramsay.- the man's tone was reassuring, oddly calm, and the smile on his lips was comforting.

-Umm...- Theon mumbled then, unsure of what to say, just nodding slowly.

The man's hands were still on his face, but when Theon noticed the man quickly pulled them away, awkwardly crouching in front of him.

-I-I'm Ryan. Ryan Snow. It's nice meeting you.- the man said then, rushed and somewhat clumsy, offering his hand to Theon.

Theon stared at it for a silent moment, nodding as he cluched his own incompleted hands against his chest.

-I'm Reek.- he said quietly, as his hesitate eyes focused on the man's face yet again.

-Reek... that was my brother's idea, wasn't it?- Ryan asked with a slight sorry tone in his voice, and the shine in his blue eyes was dulled.

-Brother?- Theon repeated the word confused, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

Ryan nodded at him, somewhat dejected. -Twin brother.- he explained shortly, with a sad smile on his lips.

Theon's incredulous eyes just stared at the man in front of him, blinking in silence, trying to understand what he just heard but it made no sense at all. He was sure he never heard anything about Roose Bolton having two bastards, let alone twins. Theon tried to remember old times, when he was a man, when he was still a lord, when he was still by Robb's side, when he used to share the table with all the other northen lords. Everything he always heard was about Roose Bolton's barstard, singular. One bastard son who was a beast in human skin. Roose Bolton used to say “my bastard”, and the men reffered to him as “Bolton's bastard” as well. But it was always one. Just one.

Everything had always been about Ramsay, so how come Ryan was there? Telling Theon that... looking like another Ramsay.

-But... no one ever said...- Theon murmured astonished, unable to finish his thoughts.

-That's because no one knows.- Ryan's smile was even sadder, and then the grin vanished. -And the few ones who knew had died.-

“Had _to_ die” Theon understood as he saw Ryan's sorrowful gaze, but choose to not say it.

-Why are you here?- Theon asked instead, looking attentively into those calm clear orbs which were so different from the icy storm Ramsay's eyes were.

Ryan sighed deeply at the question, sitting on the floor in front of Theon in a comfortable position.

-I'm here because my father orders to.- Ryan answered with a weak smile on his lips, and his blue eyes fell to the floor.

-Having one bastard is bad enough for any lord, imagine how bad it is to have two at the same time. Ramsay and I were raised at Dreadfort together, but when father saw how different we were, when he saw our strengths, he choose to separate us. Ramsay had always been strong and vicious but he had always been bad at strategy and critical thinking as well, which I excell at. So father decided to take Ramsay as the bastard he could show the world, to execute his plans. And I was send to the dungeon, hidden, to plot all those plans for him.- Ryan explained, as his fingers mindlessly traced the lines on the floor beneath them.

-But why must you be hidden?- Theon did not understanding the logic of it at all. Lords across the Seven Kindomgs had bastards, lots of them. It wasn't a good reason to keep one a secret.

-Father never gave me a reason. He just orded me to move to the dungeon and work on the plans he needed.- Ryan shrugged softly, as his blue eyes lift to look at Theon.

-You had to move when they came to Winterfell too.- Theon remembered then, thinking about how they manged it. The castle was full of people all the time, was it possible that no one saw him?

-Yes. Ramsay wanted to sneak me in the middle of the night but I thought Winterfell surely had secret passages. It didn't take long to find one leading to the dungeons.- Ryan explained with a small smile, soft voice sounding a bit amused.

-Who brings you food then? And how do you take a bath?- Theon frowned as he tried to figure it out.

-Ramsay brings me food three times a day. When I want to take a bath I use the secret passage to Ramsay's usual bath room, he always has it ready at the same time, around midnight.- Ryan told him as if it was simple, and Theon couldn't help but think how upset his master must be about doing those things for his brother.

“It's not like Roose Bolton could do it himself” Theon thought as he nodded, understanding the situation.

Ryan was a weapon, just like Ramsay was, they just were different kinds.

-Let's stop talking about me. Tell me something about you, maybe your true name?- Ryan's soft voice had a friendly tone to it and the smile curving on his lips was just as nice.

It had been such a long time since Theon saw anyone genuinely smiling at him, it made his heart skip a beat.

-M-My name is Reek.- but Theon knew who he was and how things were in Winterfell then.

Ryan's nice smile faltered at his words and something in Theon felt awful about it.

-Yes, sorry. I know how he is, I shouldn't have ask you that. I'm sorry.- Ryan was sincerely apologetic, looking at Theon with an ashamed blue gaze.

-It's okay.- Theon murmured softly, not being able to turn his eyes away from the other man.

The way Ryan looked just like Ramsay was striking, so striking the meek part of Theon was still wary, afraid all that was a game. But Theon knew it wasn't, Ryan just looked exactly the same as Ramsay. Although, there were some little details Theon could pick up, some small yet noticiable differences. They did have the same face structure, the same sharp jaw line, the same deep blue eyes, the same unruly black hair, the same pink and slightly pump lips. Ryan looked as tall as Ramsay, yet Theon thought Ryan was rather small in the shoulders while Ramsay was more broad, and Ryan's body looked more lean while Ramsay's was well-built. It was no surprised Theon mistook Ryan for Ramsay when the differences were subtle an the similarities were overwhelming at first glance.

“He looks a lot more nicer too” Theon thought as he stared at Ryan still, in the pleasant silence that formed around them.

But when Ryan gifted him a gentle smile Theon felt his face heating up all of a sudden and he quickly lowered his head, hidding the impertinent flush dusting his cheeks.

Ryan chuckled nicely then and Theon felt his heart beat hard against his chest.

-Do you want something to eat, Reek? I have cheese and bread.- Ryan offered him as he stood up, walking to the big study table by the wall on the left.

-N-No, thank you. I can't eat if master doesn't allow it.- Theon answered as he stood up as well, staying in the middle of the room.

Ryan's blue eyes looked at him with a sad gaze then. He knew how his brother was, and he knew what his brother was going to do if Theon broke one of his rules.

-He won't know.- Ryan's soft voice was even softer then, as if he was telling a secret, handing Theon a small plate with a few slices of white bread and cheese.

-Please, don't.- Theon pleaded in a pained whine. -He _will_ know, he always knows.- he whispered afraid, ignoring the the way his stomach growled at the sight of the food.

_Theon knew he couldn't lose more fingers._

“Oh gods” he thought, as a sudden rush of horror invaded him, making his body shake violently in dread.

-I-I shouldn't be here. I-I have to go.- Theon said in a weak voice, quickly turning around, reaching for the door.

But then Ryan was calling for him, soft voice sounding slightly desperate in the small cell, making Theon stop with a trembling hand on the door handle. Theon stayed there, not looking back at him, waiting for the other man to speak, to say whatever he wanted to say so Theon could just leave and never go back in there.

-Reek, please. I know I'm asking too much, I know I shouldn't but could you... could you comeback some day? Not too soon, of course. But could you comeback? Please.- and when Ryan pleaded him, implored him, in such heartbroken voice, so honestly distressed, Theon didn't have the heart to tell him no.

-I-I will try.- Theon said loud enough for Ryan to hear, and didn't stay to listen to anything else.

Theon pulled the door opened then and got out, closing the door and quickly putting the wooden lock back in place, turning around once he was done, walking down the mute and dim hallway. Theon didn't check the cells on the righ hallway, he didn't bother to even check if he was still alone in the dungeon. All he did was walk, with fast and heavy steps, feeling his heart beating fast and strong against his chest, hearing his irregular breathing echoing softly in the dungeon as he walked across it. The eerie air of it send a shiver down his spine as Theon reached the entrance door and Theon didn't even notice the absence of the guards. He just kep walking up the stairs, back into the castle, back to the surface.

Leaving behind the _secret_ no one knew was hidden.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! First of all I want to thanks everyone who have left kudos and have taken time to read the first chapter, I wish you all enjoyed it ^^ Second of all I would love to know what you all think of the story so far, if you left kudos I know you like it but how much do you like it? 👀 Comments are always appreciated :) 
> 
> As usual, english isn't my first language so please bear with me if there's grammar mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you all will enjoy chapter 2!
> 
> Laters!

* * *

It took Theon seven days to plan, somehow, a way to visit Ryan in the dungeons. And it took Theon seven days more to manage to do it, out of sheer luck.

The first few days Theon thought he could do it at night, after master was done with him. It usually happened before midnight, and since Ryan said his brother had his bath prepared by then Theon thought he could wait an hour in the shadows and when the castle was quiet the most he could make his way to the dungeon. Yet Theon soon found out that wasn't going to work, not only because it was too risky to wait outside for so long but mostly because his master was never gentle when he used him. Theon could barely limp to the kennels after it, he couldn't even imagine himself waiting in the snow for an hour, walking down to the dungeons, and then all the way back to the kennels... not to mention the _state_ his master always left him, Theon knew Ryan couldn't like the sight nor the smell.

He also thought, briefly, about doing all his chores quickly and when no one was seeing him grab a bucket and pretend he was going to clean a cell down in the dungeons. Yet finishing his chores usually took all day for Theon and someone could find it odd if he suddenly finished them quickly one day, just like someone -mostly Ramsay's men- could notice him going down to clean the dungeons when he had no order to. Fortunetly Theon was wise enough to not even ponder the idea for too long, that plan could've only gotten him flayed... or worst.

The next idea Theon had, which was by far the best option, was to wait till his master decided to spend a night with Myranda or any of the other girls Ramsay had. It used to happened a lot before, not so much then. Theon remembered when he was still bound to the cross, Ramsay used to tell him the good fuck he had the night before while he traced his blade across Theon's already scarred torso looking for the last bit of fair skin to mark. Ramsay used to tell him the details too, how wet the girls were for him, how they loved bouncing on his cock, and Ramsay always reminded Theon how he was never going to feel any of that ever again because he was only a stinky piece of meat and no one would want to fuck him.

Though Theon didn't remember when -or why- things _changed_. And Theon didn't want to think about it either. One night everything was just _different_ , his master had found a new way to tortour him, a new kind of horror, and for some reason Ramsay -seem to- liked that more than fucking his whores. Yet there were still some nights Ramsay choose to spend with one of his girls, particularly Myranda. It wasn't often but some nights a month Ramsay seemed to want to feel a woman rather than a _thing_ , and Theon was so grateful for that. _So immensely grateful._

Theon had waited for that night to arrive then. He waited days and days for it but every night he was summoned to his master's chambers and his only chance to see Ryan again died as the door closed behind his back. Theon couldn't do anything about it, just take it and plea to the gods, to all of them, for it to be over quickly so he could go back to the kennels and sleep. Sleep and then wake up to a new day, to a new opportunity to see Ryan... but when the night fell again over Theon he was back in Ramsay's chambers and the nightmare begin one more time. It was an endless circle, one that left Theon drained, broken, and unable to think of another way to go down to the dungeon.

“I can't believe I actually want to go back there” Theon thought with a bittersweet taste in his mouth, as he dusted off one big, old carpet outside the castle that morning.

When Theon was a prisioner trapped in that dungeon cell all he wanted was to get out. Every second he suffered inside there all he could think of was to be free again, to be the man he was. The thought of sweet ravange was all that crowded his mind the first days, but as the cuts marked his body and pain invaded his soul Theon could only dream of freedom, of better times and better places. And when Theon finally was out that cell, not like the man he was before entering but as Reek, Theon only wish was to _never_ go back to one of them again. Theon didn't get freedom but he did get out, and as long as he wasn't going back to that place he was grateful.

Yet there Theon was then, trying to find a way to go in the dungeon without been seen... It sounded insane, and Theon some times thought he had lost his mind, yet he knew _why_ he wanted to go back down there, and the reason wasn't quite so insane. It wasn't because he missed the terror that dungeon infringed on him, it wasn't because he missed the breaking pain or the cruel degradation of his being. No,Theon just wanted to go back to the dungeon solely because of Ryan Snow.

Under the grey winter sky Theon breathe out heavily, hitting the carpet with the wooden stick on his right hand as he remembered the day he met Ryan. Theon couldn't stop thinking about his master's twin brother, even after he went back outside and carried on with his chores the entire day. Theon couldn't get it out of his head, how lonely Ryan must be down there, all day, every day, for _years_. Theon imagined how awful must had been for Ryan to live his whole life alone, hidden, only seeing his distant father and sadistic brother. Ryan didn't say it but for some reason Theon thought he had been locked in a dungeon since he was very young, and Roose Bolton and Ramsay were all the company Ryan got along all these years.

That was as sorrowful as it was horrible. None of them were caring nor loving, but exactly the opposite.

Ryan had lived years and years all alone. Theon knew how that felt, knew how it felt to be sorrounded by people who didn't want you, knew how it felt to be an outcast, knew how it felt to not fit in your own family as well.

Theon thought about how Ryan had sounded when he was about to leave, so honestly desperated for Theon to go back to see him. Theon shivered as Ryan plea echoed softly in his ears, and his heart thumped fast against his chest at the memory. Ryan wanted to see him again, needed to see him again, and that's why Theon wanted to go back to the horrifying dungeons, because he was the only one who could ease Ryan's loneliness for a bit... and perhaps Ryan could ease his as well.

A mild heat tickled his cold cheeks as the thought of Ryan's smile suddenly crossed his mind, but Theon quickly brushed it off, as he focused on hitting the carpet as hard as he could instead, seeing the dust floating off in the winter air.

-Where are all the fucking maids?!- but then Theon heard someone scream, a man, and when he turned to see it was one of his master's man.

He was tall and big, Theon usually saw him when master was going in one of his _hunts_. But then the man seemed to be looking for a maid, gods knows what for.

-Ah, Reek!- and the man's eyes were set on him and Theon didn't know what to do, he just stood there as he watched the man aproching him, fearing the worst.

-I can't find a damn woman when I need one but you will do. We made a mess in one of the dungeon cells and I need you to get hot water down there to clean up the blood. It's the one on the very far end, on the right. It's going to take you a while so you better go now.- the man said, so fast and rushed Theon barely understood what he was talking about.

-I-I can't, master said I have to dust off the carpet.- Theon told him in a slow and careful tone, watching the man frown.

-I will tell Lord Ramsay we needed you in the dungeons, you can comeback to this rug when you are done. I already got the cooks boiling water, must be ready by now. Come on, off you go then.- the man explained again in a rush pace, and didn't wait for Theon to say anything else, he just took the stick from his hand and pushed him towards the castle.

Theon stumbled at bit at the push but did not fall, he just walked to the kitchen's back door, grabbing two empty buckets on his way. True to the man's words the water was already boiling by the time he got to the kitchen, and soon he was filling the butckets with it. His arms hurt as he carried them across the castle and down the stairs to the dungeon, Theon was scared all the water could spill because of the way his limbs were trembling under the heavy weight. But when he was able to take a break and let the buckets rest in the ground, after he left the guards behind, Theon saw they were still full. The steam of the hot water catched his eyes then and Theon couldn't help but think about the nice baths he used to take when he was still a lord. Yet Theon shook his head and grabbed the butckets again, he didn't have time to waste in old memories, less on the ones which could only made him sad.

Walking as fast as he could across the silent dungeon Theon turned to the right then, finding the very last cell by the end of the hallway. With a weak kick he pushed the door open, stopping as soon as he saw the gruesome scenario. Theon tried his best to not be sick, to not look too long at the little dark red lumps of flesh scattered around the cell, but the nauseating sight and the familiar smell of blood set bile raising up his throat and tears rushing to the brim of his eyes. Theon couldn't take the sight, he just couldn't, he grabbed one of the buckets and quickly threw the boiling water across the room, dragging the blood and the flesh in small waves through out the floor. Theon did the same with the second bucket, watching the scarlet color turning into a soft pink tint in the steamy water.

The familar and unpleasant copper smell of blood still linger in his nose, sour and nauseating, making Theon gag. He felt the burnt of the acid bile rising in his throat and almost could taste the nasty flavour in his mouth, but Theon quickly left the cell, breathing in the cold air of the hallway instead. His incomplete hands lied against the stone wall as Theon focused on breathing deeply through his nose, exhaling slowly, trying to calm himself. His heavy breathing echoed in the mute aisle and only then Theon realized he was all alone in the empty dungeon... that was his chance, the chance he had waited for all those days.

With fast but quiet steps Theon made his way down the hallway, going to the other end of it, taking brief glances inside the other cells to corroborate he was indeed all alone. Finding no one behind the doors Theon hurriedly made his way to the last cell down the left hallway, taking the wooden lock off and silenly opening the door. A flood of winter forest smell recived him as soon as he entered the cell, and Theon tried to remember if he noticed that the first time he was there. But as soon as he closed the door warm and rather strong arms were tangling around his fragile frame, making Theon jumpped alarmed and surprised at the suddent embrace.

-Gods, you are back.- Ryan's soft voice whispered relieved against his ear, and it was rare how easily Theon relaxed upong hearing him.

-I-I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner.- Theon mumbled against his shoulder, feeling the man hugging him tighter, noticing the fresh forest scent was actually Ryan's.

-It's okay.- Ryan's breath was warm against his skin and Theon felt himself shuddering at the nice feeling.

Yet Ryan's arms were off of him as soon as they came, and Theon was just as surprised then.

-I'm sorry, I shouldn't had hug you. It was impolite.- Ryan said in a nervous way, as he took a step back, eyes set on the floor.

-I-It wasn't, I just was... surprised.- Theon told him, feeling odd at the way Ryan apologized for such a thing. He was used to Ramsay not knowing nor caring about anyone's personal space, let alone Theon's.

-Still, I'm sorry.- Ryan made his apology again, and his eyes lift to look at Theon. -I am happy to see you so...- he explained awkwadly, and Theon saw the nice smile on his lips.

An impertinent warmth tickled his face at the sight of that charming grin and Theon didn't know what to say. He just stood there, staring into the calm deep blue seas that were Ryan's eyes, hoping he wasn't blushing like a innocent maiden under his attentive gentle gaze.

-S-sorry that I took so long, I-I just couldn't find a way to come.- Theon finally managed to say, words stumbling out of his mouth clumsily. It was more complicated than that, but he supposed Ryan could figured it out.

-Ah, yes. As soon as you were gone the other day I realized I forgot to tell you to take the secret passage in the kennels to get here.- Ryan commented, with an apologetic ring in his soft voice.

Theon just stared at him for a moment, not surprised about the secret passage but by the way Ryan knew he was _in_ the kennels. He didn't say anything about him beingin the kennels the time they met, so how did Ryan know?

-How do you know about the kennels?- Theon wondered curious, feeling somewhat uncomfortable and ashamed out of a sudden.

_Could it be that... Ramsay told Ryan about him?_

-Well, one: because you smell like my brother's dogs. He also smells like them when he spends time with them. And two: because Ramsay is always mad when I see him for my bath, he says he has to shorten his playtime with his pet because of me. Ramsay never refer to his dogs as pets and he isn't really a man who plays with his dogs either yet when I see him at midnight he usually smells like them. So if my brother smells like his dogs when I see him, as you did when we met... it wasn't difficult to deduced.- Ryan's tone was careful, almost cautious as he explain it.

Theon wanted to die right there, he felt his heart squirming in embarrassment and his body shuddered in shame. Ryan knew about...

-But that doesn't matter. Come, let me teach you about the passage.- Ryan said rapidly, cutting Theon's desperate thoughts off, as he grabbed his right hand and gently lead him back to the study table in the room.

It was for a moment, just a short instant but Theon felt his heart quiver at the touch. Ryan's hand was warm and soft against his cold, mangled one and Theon was surprised he didn't flinch away from the touch.

-These are the kennels.- Ryan pointed at a small area in the map ontop of the table. -Do you see this little line near the back corner? That's the passage. It leads all the way back to the castle, under the main stairs. You get out there and walk to this hallway, by the end there's another passage, this one. It will lead you down here, at the back of the dungeons.- his slender finger danced across the map, and Theon inmidiatly knew he couldn't do it.

-I can't do that, someone will see me.- Theon shook his head in denial. It was too risky, a maid could come on his way or one of his master's men. It could go awfully wrong in so many ways.

-No one will see you if you come at night, after midnight. Ramsay usually goes to sleep right after my bath, or so he tells me. And my father sleeps all night like a deadman, at least when he isn't trying to make a better heir than Ramsay. I had been in the castle at night myself, more times that I can count, and no one ever saw me. Everyone is asleep by then, really.- Ryan was sure of what he was saying, he sounded convinced, and the look in his blue eyes was reassuringly confident.

But Theon shook his head again.

-Too risky...- he murmured unsure, feeling his heat beating afraid and worried at the idea.

His good luck had run out long ago, all he had left was misfortune, and he knew that misfortune would put someone on his way if he tried to do what Ryan was suggesting. Theon didn't even want to think about what his punishment could be then, he couldn't even imagine it. The only certain thing was pain. Theon knew he was going to hurt, badly.

-I know you are scared, Reek. But you have to trust me.- Ryan's voice was gentle, sounding serene and sure in the small, quiet room. Theon did want to trust him but...

Ryan saw the hesitation in Theon's nervous eyes, saw them drowning in dread and despair. His warm hands found Theon's in the dim cell, kindly gripping them, and Theon suddenly felt like crying at the tender, foreign touch.

-I promise you it will be okay. I wouldn't ask you to do this if I knew you will get caught. I'm not my brother.- Ryan told him in such a sincere tone of voice, and the same sincerity was reflected in his calm eyes, heartwarmingly so.

It was overwhelming, the way Ryan wanted see Theon again, the way Ryan wanted Theon's company to such extent. It made his chest felt tight and set his heart beating quickly. No one had ever _needed_ Theon, let alone like this: like if Ryan couldn't bare his abscent, like if he need him like he air he breathed. It was an odd but somehow nice sensation, one that quickly was making old emotions return to him.

-I know you are not your brother.- Theon said then softly, watching attentively into Ryan's captivating blue eyes.

And the smile which paint itself upon Ryan's lips at his words made Theon's heart beat even faster.

-So you will come then? Tonight?- Ryan asked with a slight bashful tone, as his hands gentely squeezed Theon's.

 _I will_ , Theon meant to say, he really did. But suddenly he thought about the state he usually ended up at night after his master have had his _playtime_ with him and Theon had to stop himself from wholeheartly accepting the invitation.

-I don't think I would be able to. I-I can barely walk after master...- Theon couldn't bring himself to say it, words just died in his mouth leaving a bitter, nasty taste behind.

Ryan's face contoured in a tense and serious expression, one that reminded Theon of his twin brother. But he didn't see any trace of the anger he usually saw in Ramsay. Netiher did he feel the fear and horror which twisted his soul at the only sight of it.

_Ryan's expression wasn't for Theon, but precisely for Ramsay._

-I'm sorry, I didn't think about that.- Ryan said, and there was a sharp tone in his soft voice. -I will come to the kennels then.- he added suddenly, surprising Theon yet again.

-What? N-No, you can't come.- Theon shook his head, dropping his hands from the nice hold as he took a step back.

-Why not?- Ryan asked confused, and something in his blue gaze seem to quiver.

-Because... it's filthy a-and the dogs will bark.- Theon didn't give him the actual reason, but those were a concern still.

-I don't mind if its filthy and the dogs bark about anything, I heard them every night.- Ryan sounded sure, determinated to see Theon it didn't matter what.

-It's really cold there.- Theon tried with another excuse, as he was running out of them.

-I will bring my furs then.- Ryan smiled at him, so easy and real.

He just didn't leave Theon any other choice.

-I don't want you to see m-me after master... a-after he... it's awful.- Theon murmured in a trembling, weak voice, letting his face fall so his dirty long hair could covered his afflicted expression.

Yet there were soft fingers placing themselves on his chin, gently pulling his face up, making Theon look at Ryan's tender eyes.

-I know it must be awful to you, Reek. And I am deeply sorry for what my brother does and did to you. If you don't want me to see you in such state because it pains you, I won't ask again. But if you don't want to because you think I will be disgusted, I will have to insist. Because I am not disgusted by you, but by my own brother. And I refuse to let him get in my way to see you more than what he already does.- Ryan's voice was serious and calm as he spoke, but it had a certain cold tone to it, which send a nice shiver up the back of Theon's spine.

-O-Okay...- was all Theon could mustered, enchanted by that intense blue gaze.

A smile curved in Ryan's lips again, soft and nice as his voice. -I will try to make Ramsay have his playtime with someone else still.-

-How?- Theon asked honestly curious, feeling the fingers on his chin move to his cheek.

-I kind of know how to pull some of his strings. Father does it all the time, I just happened to learn.- Ryan's voice had a slight playful ring in it as he answered him.

Theon felt his thumb carressing the skin of his cheek, and then he felt his skin burn in a hot blush as Theon noticed how close they were standing to each other. He could see the glint in Ryan's blue eyes sparkling strongly, and he could feel the wamth of Ryan's breath nicely ghosting over his lips with each exhale. The meek part of himself felt like panicking, sumerged in thoughts of Ramsay and coerced kisses. But Theon himself knew the man in front of him wasn't his master, and an innapropiate want ignited from deep within his self.

Yet Theon knew that wasn't _right,_ that he couldn't – shouldn't- feel _that._

“Move away” Theon told himself and so he did, taking a step back and letting his anxious gaze fall to the floor.

-So...- Ryan cleared his voice then, also taking a step back. -How did you manage to get here?- he wondered, sounding very much awkward.

Theon opened his mouth to explain, but then the heavy weight of realization fell on him, hard and soffocating. How long had it been since he got there? He only wanted to see Ryan for a bit, just let him know he had tried to come sooner but it was impossible. He had said more than that, far more than that, time had easily dissolved in between their talk and Theon didn't even notice.

-I-I can't stay for too long.- Theon said out of a sudden, seeing the surprised expression over Ryan's face.

-Oh, yes. Of course.- it was all Ryan commented, trying to not sound too dissapointed but the feeling was clear in his voice.

Theon had to watch how the spark in Ryan's shiny eyes was suddenly lost, but he couldn't watch it for long nor did he have the time to bring the shine back on them.

-I-I will try come tonight if master doesn't...- Theon trailed off as he walked towards the door, feeling his body trembling as he grabbed the handle.

-And I will go to the kennels tomorrow if you don't come tonight.- Ryan told him, in a tone which didn't admit any discussion.

Theon saw the smile that curved in Ryan's mouth then, nice as usual but also a bit playful, and all Theon could do was bit the inside of his lip and nod before he pulled the door open and quickly let himself out of the restricted cell.

The cold air of the hallway clashed against his feverish skin and only then Theon noticed how hot his body was. His steps echoed quietly in the disolated dungeon as Theon walked across it, going up the stairs to fech a brush and finish his chore in the bloody cell. He walked pass the guards and got outside the castle, feeling the winter winds carressing his face like a ghost with icy fingerstips, but that couldn't get his mind away from the man he was leaving behind.

While his hopeful heart beated eager for the night to fall.


End file.
